So, today, marvellous start. Got up this morning and had a weigh in, not official but i always do a weigh in on a friday and official weigh in on mondays. Guess what?! You got it! I f**king gained all my weigh back that i lost from last week. All 1.8lbs of it. I was down from that point on.

I had breakfast and then got up to do the 30 day shred. Got my weights together. Put my exercise mat down. Started the shred, just before the abs section of the first workout, I was busting for the toilet(I know, tmi, you don't really need to know). I had to pause it, I couldn't hold. Came back, continued to do the shred, it was HARD!

I was struggling after the break to get into the workout. I was in a totally cba mood. My arms were achng, my legs were aching, I was struggling to do the reps. I was getting more frustrated, I was fighting trying not to throw my weights across the room I was that pissed off.

Towards the end of the cardio workout/beginning of the abs section circuit 3 I started weeping like a baby. My mind was it of control, I was calling myself names in my head, selling myself a failure, calling myself fat, telling myself I'll never be skinny. I upset myself pretty bad. I finished the shred ok and then just sat and weeped on the floor in a sweaty mess.

It took me 5-10mins to pull myself together. I had a stressful day at work too. One of my team mates is away ill and I've had to take on his work including my own so ie been rushing and worried that I wouldn't get things finished.

Got home after work, got changed for my first run of week 5 of the c25k. Week 5 is split up into 3 different runs for the week, each time I do a new run I will break it down in that blog post. Today's breakdown was:

• 5 minute brisk warm up walk
• 5 minute run
• 3 minute walk
• 5 minute run
• 3 minute walk
• 5 minute run

So it was similar to the run I was doing for week 4. Today's run SUCKED. Again, this workout was HARD! My legs were like jelly. Again I had no energy on this run. I think I ran too fast in the beginning and exhausted myself and had to slow right down for the next two 5 minute runs. So yeah, i struggled and I cried at the end of the run again. Felt like I wouldnt ever be ale to run further than 5 minutes after that.

I've no idea what is going on, I'm an emotional wreck this week with my workouts and weight loss, hopefully I will alm down abit and stop being so emotional. It's not a good feeling.

Tough times. Will update on how I'm feeling after my next run which should be Sunday if the weather holds up. Fingers crossed that all goes well!